Well I have definitely calmed down from yesterday, but I'm still pretty mad. I'm mad at my mom, and I'm mad at my sister.
I woke up this morning, got washed up and went out and did my 3 miles. Lisa came with me again. Afterwards, we just stayed home and whipped up some lunch. Our pastor got wind of everything because of a post I put on facebook yesterday after it all happened. He was concerned so he's been trying to get in touch with my mom and sister. I guess no one is answering him though, so he calls me but when he did, I was taking a shower. When I got out, I called him back. BIG MISTAKE! Now I love our pastor. He's a good man...but I swear this guy does NOT listen!!!! He does not listen to anything! That is his flaw! He'll only listen to a tiny portion of your story and from that tiny portion, he creates this big huge scenario in his head and he just assumes that's what you're going thru so he goes on that and starts telling you what you need to do! It's all wrong too!! He didn't actually hear you out so he has no idea what the actual situation is. He only knows this big bogus scenario that he built up in his head. That's his problem! So it was really frustrating talking to him. He wouldn't listen to me and he had no clue what I was actually talking about because of it. I was mad because I got pissed on just for standing up for my parents feelings and telling my sister what she needed to know. I have been getting pissed on by my family for years and years. I'm so damn sick of it all! That's the problem. But pastor, he wouldn't listen to me. Instead what he had in his head was the me and my sister had an argument and that I NEEDED TO APOLOGIZE to her! WTF!!!! I mean W T F!!!!! I was so mad and frustrated when I was talking to him, I couldn't think. So I just gave up talking to him. I tried telling him about my mom, but again he didn't really listen. He's just going off on his assumptions. Anyway, he wanted to organize a meeting with my family to try and just hash everything out and resolve this. "Buddy this has been going on for years and years. You honestly thing you're going to resolve it in a short little Thursday night meeting?!" I'm sorry but that is NOT going to happen!
Well the rest of the day was pretty mellow. I didn't go to any meeting. I'm so done with all this shit. You know, honestly I have been there for my sister for so long. Ever since she was a teenager, she was getting in to shit over and over. She started drinking at a very young age and she would come home drunk. My mom is so hell bent on rage and anger so she can't help anything. Nobody likes my mom when she's like that. She's been that way since she was a kid, according to my grandpa. So because of that, and because my dad is quiet most the time, I was always the only one who could talk to my sister. I'd been there for her so many times. These last two times she pissed all over me when I tried to help her. Now, she cusses at me in a text and disrespects Everything I'd ever taught her and the relationship that we had as a trusting brother and sister. I am so disgusted with her! And my mom, I'm so very fucking pissed off at her! She had no damn right getting mad at me for anything. I flat out told her "HEY DON'T GET MAD AT ME, I'M NOT THE ONE CONSTANTLY SCREWING UP!!!" I was really pissed off! This is such a mess and my sister doesn't care. She's off being a lesbian now and happy with is so whatever I guess! She just pissed all over the family. She broke all those promises she made to all of us. She doesn't care either! As long as she's happy, she doesn't give a shit what happens to any of us and she doesn't care that Christmas is in a week. Just as long as she's happy that's all that matters.
Well fuck it! I'm done. I'm done with being the guy who apologizes all the time. I'm done with being the guy who fixes everything all the time. I'm done with being the guy who is ALWAYS there for everyone, putting all my wants and needs aside for the family. I'M DONE!!!!
Tomorrow Lisa and I are still going on our trip to Albuquerque. It's our Christmas Getaway and we'd been planning this for a month now. My family was supposed to come out with us...but now all that is shot to shit. Thanks a lot, Brie!!!!!
So for the next 3 days, I'll be gone. I hope to get away from all this craziness and just have fun out there! I'm very much looking forward to it. So until Monday ;} Goodnight!
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