Ok..today was different. I woke up this morning from a really intense dream. I have this really great friend named Cornelia. In my opinion, she is Perfect for me. I love everything about her. She's beautiful, smart, ambitious, and a lot of her personality and how she feels about herself is very identical to mine. We see the same on a lot of things and we have the same problems. The only problem, she lives in Arizona. My dream was about her! She and I were at a school I think, or somewhere. Kinda like a college. We finally met each other in person and she really liked me. We ended up passing into the flirting stage, to where we were holding hands. Eventually we got intimate with each other. A lot of her friends were in the dream and she was constantly trying to tell me something but her friends kept interrupting us. Finally we got together alone. We were both laying in my bed and I touched her. The whole time I was thinking, "I can't believe it, You are that girl I've been waiting for. Cornelia! You are her! This is so Amazing!" I kept saying that over and over in my head. When I touched her, I woke up and I found myself laying on my bed with my hand flat on the bed in the same position I was when I touched her. I kept wishing it was real. That was a very beautiful and confusing dream.
I told Lisa about it. We went on my morning walk because my head was really hurting. I went to bed extremely late last night so I didn't get up until 10 this morning. I can't sleep during the day like that otherwise I wake up with a bad headache, which I did. So that walk really helped. I told her about the dream and how I felt about it. It definitely was very strange because it was the first time I had ever had a dream about Cornelia. The dream was so real. I could see Cor and I could hear her voice. Her face looked just like her pictures do, same smile, same glasses. Her voice was exactly how it sounds. So perfect! I was thinking about that all day.
Ok, the rest of my day was pretty blah. Last night I took all my Christmas decorations down. I wanted to leave it up until the dinner on Wednesday because that was supposed to be kind of a Christmas dinner, but we changed plans and now it's just a dinner. No Christmas theme. Anyway I got my living room looking normal. This is the bad part of my day. I'm really wanting to get back into my core exercising. I know I stopped doing my 6 miles after my elk hunt because my knee was really bad. Well today, I stood on my weigh scale. Since I got back from Chama at the end of September, according to the scale, I put on 17 pounds!!! What?!! Now how the hell is that possible?!! I can't believe that! I haven't been eating bad. I haven't been eating a crapload of food or anything. My diet has been the same as it's been for months now. Granted I'm not as strict as I was last summer. But still, I'm not eating hamburgers daily. I just don't get it! So I'm going to have to bust ass again. I need to get my weight back down. Cornelia is coming over here in April. That's when my Fyrescape ends. April 28, 2015 is the last day. Omg I can't believe I put on 17 pounds! I sure don't feel like it and all my clothes still fit me the same way. Is my scale broken?! I don't get it. I'm so sick of this feeling. I can't even believe I let myself get this heavy. I used to weigh 167 pounds in the summer of 2000. What the hell happened?!! I'm so mad at myself, but dammit I'm not giving up. I'm going to get somewhere! I have a few months so I'm going to drop that 17 pounds I "apparently" put on. I don't know man, that is so bizarre! I sure don't feel 17 pounds heavier. I mean, that's a lot of weight. I would think I'd see it or something..but no. Weird!
Anyway Cornelia is coming over here for a wedding in April. I want to look good when I see her for the first time. I want my full confidence. I'm not expecting anything to happen. I'm just wanting to make a good impression when I see her for the first time. This'll be our first meet. I've known her for years now, but this will be the first time meeting in person. I want it to be good so I'm going to start busting my ass out there again. Lots of work to do!
Goodnight!
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